So many worries, so many questions that overwhelm my heart daily, so many doubts and fears.
I can easily sit here and dwell on them and begin the neverending fall into the rabbit hole of my own negative thoughts but I won’t. It’s so easy though to have a rough day and come home and start contemplating your value and role in life.
Today, however, I will try something different, I WILL SURRENDER IT ALL TO YOU.
I surrender my life
I surrender all my relationships
I surrender my finances
I surrender my work life
I surrender my worries
I surrender my dreams
I give it ALL to You Lord!
Take the wheel of my life and have Your way.
I can no longer allow myself to stress over what other people think of me. Am I funny enough or interesting enough to be involved in their groups?
Am I enough for any man to truly show his love and appreciation for me on a daily basis?
Am I strong enough to balance work life, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, really truly connecting with my kids on a daily basis and still try and find time to sleep?
Am I too awkward for friends?
Is fear of social engagement really the end of me?
Do I have anything good to say?
Am I worthy to share life and Your goodness with the internet?
Am I being a good mother? Am I really listening to what my kids need from me? Am I showing them every day that they are loved and completely perfectly made? Do they believe in their hearts that I care for them, not because I’m their parent but because they feel it every day?
Am I qualified enough to homeschool them?
Is the philosophy I feel You’ve placed in my heart for our homeschool life really from You? Is it the right thing to do? Will my kids learn anything real from me?
Am I meant for something bigger than this? Is this where my story ends? Just a mediocre mom?
Do I even have any real talent? Do you have something more in the works for my life?
Am I capable of supporting my little family? Am I strong enough to play the role my children need?
Am I contributing anything real to Your Kingdom? Am I being of any use to my church family? Do they even care? Do I even make a dent in the grand scheme of things?
I can’t do this anymore! I can’t keep racking my brain about this day in and day out. It takes so much out of me every night I lie awake thinking about all the different scenarios. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I don’t want to lose sleep over this. I don’t want to continue letting this completely alter my thought life and my outward life. I will not let this define what my life means to me and my kids.
I GIVE UP!
I will give up my worries
I will give up my fears
I will give up wondering if people like me or not
I will give up feeling inadequate
I will give up debating “if I can”
I will give up everything that drowns my mind into darkness and I will choose to trust that You’ve got me.
I will believe that the plans You have for me and my kids are good.
I will trust that whatever season I am in You are right there walking me through it.
I will trust in what You think and say of me and I will give up relying on how I feel about myself.
I will give up relying on what my eyes can see and what my mind can comprehend and I will trust that Your thoughts and vision is nothing near what I can imagine and You know what You’re doing.
I give up my life and I will take up my cross and I will walk with You.
Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and for Your encouragement. Even in my darkness You reach in and find me. I love You for all that You are.