I Give Up

So many worries, so many questions that overwhelm my heart daily, so many doubts and fears.
I can easily sit here and dwell on them and begin the neverending fall into the rabbit hole of my own negative thoughts but I won’t. It’s so easy though to have a rough day and come home and start contemplating your value and role in life.

Today, however, I will try something different, I WILL SURRENDER IT ALL TO YOU.

I surrender my life
I surrender all my relationships
I surrender my finances
I surrender my work life
I surrender my worries
I surrender my dreams
I give it ALL to You Lord!

     Take the wheel of my life and have Your way.

I can no longer allow myself to stress over what other people think of me. Am I funny enough or interesting enough to be involved in their groups?

Am I enough for any man to truly show his love and appreciation for me on a daily basis?

Am I strong enough to balance work life, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, really truly connecting with my kids on a daily basis and still try and find time to sleep?

Am I too awkward for friends?
Is fear of social engagement really the end of me?

Do I have anything good to say?
Am I worthy to share life and Your goodness with the internet?
Am I being a good mother? Am I really listening to what my kids need from me? Am I showing them every day that they are loved and completely perfectly made? Do they believe in their hearts that I care for them, not because I’m their parent but because they feel it every day?
Am I qualified enough to homeschool them?
Is the philosophy I feel You’ve placed in my heart for our homeschool life really from You? Is it the right thing to do? Will my kids learn anything real from me?

Am I meant for something bigger than this? Is this where my story ends? Just a mediocre mom?
Do I even have any real talent? Do you have something more in the works for my life?

Am I capable of supporting my little family? Am I strong enough to play the role my children need?

Am I contributing anything real to Your Kingdom? Am I being of any use to my church family? Do they even care? Do I even make a dent in the grand scheme of things?

I can’t do this anymore! I can’t keep racking my brain about this day in and day out. It takes so much out of me every night I lie awake thinking about all the different scenarios. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I don’t want to lose sleep over this. I don’t want to continue letting this completely alter my thought life and my outward life. I will not let this define what my life means to me and my kids.

I GIVE UP!

I will give up my worries
I will give up my fears
I will give up wondering if people like me or not
I will give up feeling inadequate
I will give up debating “if I can”
I will give up everything that drowns my mind into darkness and I will choose to trust that You’ve got me.
I will believe that the plans You have for me and my kids are good.
I will trust that whatever season I am in You are right there walking me through it.
I will trust in what You think and say of me and I will give up relying on how I feel about myself.

I will give up relying on what my eyes can see and what my mind can comprehend and I will trust that Your thoughts and vision is nothing near what I can imagine and You know what You’re doing.

I give up my life and I will take up my cross and I will walk with You.

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and for Your encouragement. Even in my darkness You reach in and find me. I love You for all that You are.

Advertisements

It’s Ok To Not Be Ok

How many times have found yourself at the end of your rope? Realizing that everything seems to be caving in all at the same time? Troubles from just about every angle show up and you just don’t feel equipt for the task. It’s time to go to church and you try to find any reason in the book not to go because, well, life.

But somehow you’re there.

You find yourself at church and suddenly your heart feels heavier than ever.

Instead of running to the altar and crying out to the Lord you’re sitting at the back of the room quietly crying, trying your best to remain out-of-sight? You don’t want to draw attention to your weariness. No one needs to see just how broken you’re feeling. Your life, your problems, right?

The thing is, even though you feel broken. Even though you feel like giving up. Even though you don’t even know how you managed to make it to church, you’re there. You made it because even in your brokenness your heart was receptive enough to the Lord’s direction.

 YOU SHOWED UP!

And even if no one around you notices you, or no one cares to see your pain God does,  He is the only one whose opinion of us matters, and He loves us. He feels our pain. He hears our hearts crying out in our weakness. He sees all that we’ve been through and He knows our tanks are empty.

When we decide to show up, we find that God has already been waiting for us.

He has our backs. He is our strength. He is the only one who can truly help us through whatever storm we face. We expect so much from the people around us. We expect them to care. We expect them to help. We expect a lot. Yet for some odd reason, we usually expect God to leave us hanging when He is the only one who can meet us exactly where we are.

So I don’t care if you see me crying. I don’t care if you think something negative about me in my moments of weakness. Just because I breakdown does not mean I have fallen. I am human! I hurt. I feel. I get overwhelmed. I grow weary.

BUT IM HERE!

I’ve come to refuel. I need God to take my load and fill my spirit and so I’m here. I’m crying, I’m broken and I’m at my Father’s house expecting healing, expecting a breakthrough, expecting Him to breathe life into my heart once again.

I’m weak and I’m still learning so much about what it means to walk through life completely relying on Him. But He is my strength. He sees my heart and He has me in His hands.

So to all those looking at someone in church losing her cool.
Let her.
She’s kept it together long enough.

She showed up, give her a hand. 👏

   I am praying for everyone out there who needs a little grace. Anyone who is struggling through something they don’t see an outcome for. I want to remind you that the God we serve is capable of things we can’t even begin to imagine. So believe He can and don’t be afraid to ask Him for help. 

God Wants To Help

I’m a stay-at-home mom with 3 kids whom I also homeschool. I know a little bit about being overwhelmed and overworked; unnoticed and unappreciated. I feel I do so much for my family because I love them, of course. I just think it’d be nice to be acknowledged for all that I do every once in a while?

I am with my kids allll the time and sometimes that task alone just seems like a lot. It’s not that I don’t love my kids, and I definitely wouldn’t give up homeschooling them. I just feel like I am always “on” and that takes a lot out of a person.

I try to explain it to people like this. Imagine, if you will, you go into work and never leave. You sleep there, wake up there, eat all your meals there, and while you’re in the bathroom your supervisor is talking to you through the door about an issue (of course in my case, the “supervisor” would be in the bathroom).

IT’S ROUGH.

There are sooo many times I go to my room to cry because I feel so overwhelmed with trying to figure out 3 completely different kids, who all need love and attention from me but in 3 different ways.

I want nothing more than to be a great mom to my 3 little blessings but some days I feel like I fail at that miserably. I get overwhelmed, and it shows. I get mad, and it shows. I get annoyed, and it shows. I give up so many times in my head on those days. And yet, by the grace of God, those kids still love me.

I could definitely take myself out on more dates and ask family for some help for me to de-stress every now and then. But I don’t, because ever since my heart started walking on the outside of my body I’ve been filled with anxiety and worry. I feel I care for them too much to just leave them anywhere without me. I know, it sounds a bit much, trust me, I know..

GOD TRUSTS ME, DO I TRUST HIM?

God is the reason I even have my kids. Each one of them was directly sent from Him. He trusted me with their lives and believed that I had what they needed to have a good life. He trusted in me to teach them about Him and life, in a way that matters most. He lead me to homeschool them and trusted that I would make that jump. He also believes that even when I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing I’d be open enough to Hear Him whisper “we’ve got this”.

God has completely revealed His trust in me and every passing day He does it again. He brought them to me so that we could teach each other something new about love, life, and faith. And He is asking me to trust Him in keeping them safe while I’m away.

You hear this and it sounds so simple. “YES girl! Let Him take the wheel”. And yet, I still find it so hard to completely let my mind go of worry when I leave them anywhere.

This might sound trivial to some or maybe not even relatable at all. These are my struggles. Figuring out how to gracefully manage a home while not forgetting to take care of me; giving God control of the outcome. But for you, it can look completely different.

Maybe you find yourself struggling with issues at work. It could be your co-workers giving you a hard time, maybe your boss keeps picking on you for some reason, maybe the workload seems too much at times.
Maybe your struggles are at school. With classmates or teachers constantly on your case. Perhaps you’re struggling with a new concept in a specific class.
You could be struggling in your home life. With your spouse, maybe your health, dealing with a loss of a loved one, maybe your finances are looking grim.

Whatever the situation you find yourself currently losing control in, God wants to help.
He wants you to trust Him with your problems and talk to Him about them, and just completely hand them over to Him. He WANTS to see us thrive. He WANTS us to truly enjoy our lives. Let Him in.

HE WANTS TO HELP.

He is asking you to trust Him the way He has been trusting you. Trust that He is listening to your prayers about your job, your bills, your marriage. Trust that He has it all in His hands. Trust that He is working all things out for your good. Trust that He wants you to have an awesome life. Trust that He knows the future and His timing is always on point.

HE CAN and HE WILL if you would just BELIEVE.

“What do you mean IF I can? Jesus asked.
ANYTHING is possible if a person BELIEVES.” -Mark 9:23

I pray the Lord continues to encourage you and remind you of His presence even in your everyday life. I know it’s hard to believe that He cares about the small things but He does. He sees you cleaning the living room for the 10th time today. He sees you in the bathroom at work flooded with frustration. He hears your cries as you grieve the loss of a loved one.

HE WANTS TO HELP.

Call on Him.
Let Him in.
Be encouraged and remember that all you need to do is start talking; He’s listening.

When The Enemy Attacks

There are a plethora of reasons you could be in a season of deep attacks from the enemy. One main reason being the simple fact that you’ve chosen the “other side” is enough for him to come after you.

I’m here today to address one reason in particular though, and I’m sure you’ll relate to it well…

When we choose to live out the life God has planned for us, the enemy suits up for battle.

We all have a purpose in our lives. And though our main purpose is to spread the good news, it’s how we do it that the Lord wants to reveal to us. In what way has God directed you to walk out and demonstrate His life on Earth? How have you felt Him calling out to you to share His life through your talents?

Singing?
Preaching?
Missionary?
maybe something more practical?
Your art?
Your writing?
Financially helping others?
There are plenty of ways the Lord can use each and every one of us to display His love for the world.

Here’s where we usually get tripped up though. DOING IT.

THE ATTACK!

The enemy is always lurking and hunting for Gods people to shake up and destroy, that will always be true. But something you might not have thought of is that he knows he can’t but he tries anyway. He believes that one day his scare tactics will work; sadly sometimes they do.

He feeds us lies in failure.
He tries to scare us away from growing closer to God by making himself look like some big scary monster you don’t really want to go up against.
He tries to make you believe you’re all alone in this.
He whispers lies of doubt and anxiety.

Here’s the kicker though, HE’S A LIAR! Even the Bible says he’s the king of deception. We have to recognize that.

God has already won the war!

The end has already been written and it doesn’t look good for the enemy.
You know the saying “misery loves company”? Well, that couldn’t be truer for him. He is going down and he is reaching for anyone who is not planted firmly to the ground Word to take with him.

I don’t mean to preach at you like I’ve got this all figured out because I am faaar from it. Just last night I could not sleep because I was paralyzed with fear. The thing is, this is his go-to method for me because, unfortunately, he knows it works.

Ever since I was 5 I can remember being scared of the dark because I used to see shadows and little demons (I know, it sounds pretty scary). But my point is that he knows how to get me questioning my path and if this is something I really want to “throw myself into”.

Here’s what God told me (because this time I’m NOT backing down!).

READ THE BIBLE

I know, sounds like a no-brainer, right? But God knows that sometimes repetition helps make things stick. He explained to me that I need to become more knowledgeable on who God is and all He is capable of doing. Also though, He wants me to see all the times the enemy has tried to show up in peoples lives and the Lord has rescued them because of their faithfulness to Him.

In other words, knowing your enemy and his tactics and seeing Gods hand through it all helps build your confidence in Gods power and authority.

PRAISE HIM

Believe it or not, this is a legitimate method of attack on the enemy. The Lord had people in the Bible use it many times. So put on some gospel music or just start singing out your own song of praise toward the Lord. The enemy won’t stick around for very long and the very act of you stepping out in fear and singing anyways is proof enough for God of your trust in Him; He will show up for you.

MAKE DECLARATIONS

This is powerful, I mean they all are, but this is the exact strategy that Jesus himself used against the enemy when Satan attempted to tempt Jesus. Jesus didn’t need to yell or protest. He didn’t break a sweat. He used the Word to declare His victory and to remind the enemy of his place. God has placed so many promises and anecdotes all throughout the Bible that if we would just become familiar with them we could use those to strike the enemy down when he comes around.

(Last but definitely not least)

PRAYER

Prayer is basically a conversation with God so if in these moments of attack and weakness we would reach out and call on Jesus He will be there to remind us of what we should do. Last night the Lord brought all this to memory, and though it still took me a long time to fall asleep, I fell asleep in victory. Still a little scared but confident that God is still watching over me and that He is doing a good work in my life. I reminded myself that change doesn’t happen overnight. That the Lord is guiding me through this process and one day I will come face-to-face with this and say the right thing with all the authority and power the Lord has already made available to me.

I hope this encourages you in knowing that even though you don’t have it all figured out (ahem, me), God is still working in your life. It’s easy to reject or distrust something or someone when you don’t know them. Make it your mission to know the person you’re putting all your trust in.

YOUR TURN
What are some ways the enemy comes at you when you try moving forward in God’s plan for your life? And what do you do to strike back?
I’m completely interested in hearing your plans of attack so please do tell.

What does Gods voice sound like?

I know a big misconception people usually have about hearing Gods voice is that it will sound very much like Mufasa’s voice when he came to Simba in the clouds; very majestic and loud (Disney reference). While He can and has done that, it isn’t His go-to method of conversation.

Growing up I’ve always had the all to familiar question of “how do you hear Gods’ voice?” or “how do you know if God is talking to you?”. Typically answered with a “you just know” or “you’ll know when it happens”. While this is not too far from the truth it isn’t very clear for a young person.

However, I must say that I am in a season of clear communication with God and I feel so blessed and humbled to hear His plan for my life, my family, and my day-to-day goings on. I figured I’d speak out about the different ways that He has approached me in my life and hopefully that resonates with someone.

 

WISE THOUGHTS

This might sound hard to understand but He speaks to me in my own mind most times. I legit hear Him in my thoughts. Now, it sounds like my regular thoughts voice (you know what I mean right?) but it is 100% the Lord’s words and wisdom giving me guidance, or answering questions I’ve been asking Him. Most times, because I’m strange that way, I think out loud. Some like to call that talking to yourself, guilty.

Now, I’m talking out loud but what I’m really doing is directing my conversation to the Lord. This is probably my best form of communication with Him and a lot of times, and this part is so cool, He’ll answer me right on the spot. Literally right after I’ve asked a question or made a complaint my mouth will shoot the answer, His answer, out like how an actual conversation would sound.

I get when people say “you’ll just know when it happens” because I know for a fact that when He responds to me that it is not my own words whatsoever. However, you do want to be in constant communication with Him for this to feel more obvious to you.
I talk with the Lord throughout my day. Which is what Paul meant in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 when he said: “pray without ceasing”.

God is legit my best friend! I go to Him for anything and everything. In joy, or frustration, with questions and even complaints. He is my person (Disney reference). So doing your part in talking to Him every day is essential to hearing Him on a more constant basis in your life.

Disclaimer: God is God and He can speak to you through your own reflection if He wanted to. This is more of a method of keeping a constant line of communication open with Him.

MUSIC

This is a big one for me because I LOVE music. I grew up in church singing and lyrics are my thing. So it makes sense for God to use this method as a big one for me.
It’s such an intense and awesome feeling because He sends the perfect song at the perfect time to my Pandora list. He gives me literal chills as the words to a song I’ve heard a million times before touches my spirit in a whole new way, and answers my questions or gives me an answer to my current situation.

I know it’s Him because aside from the goosebumps, I get a sense of enlightenment when He corrects me. I am filled with peace when He answers a question for me. And I feel great joy when He shows up to comfort me or even confirm something I’ve been praying about.

DREAMS

There is a season for everything and though I feel like dreams isn’t very high on my list these days because He is just so active in my thought life. This is still an area He has used to reveal things to me.

Sometimes I understand them perfectly, or I’ll wake up and talk to Him, out loud, about it and He’ll reveal it to me. But for dreams, most times I’m talking to my mom about it and He reveals it to her and she explains it to me. It really is such an awesome feeling when that happens because even though it sounded mixed up to me, there was a message in there and by having someone else decipher it, it made the message more perfectly from Him.

IN CONVERSATION

This might sound like it’s repeating the first one but it’s not. It’s not about being in conversation with Him, though isn’t that what this entire article is about. It’s about being in conversation with a friend or church member or family member and God speaking to you through that conversation.

This happens to me a lot and it can happen in two ways. You can be talking to the other person, encouraging them, giving them advice and in your words to them, God reveals that those words also apply to you. You get chills or your heart drops a bit just because you know at that moment it feels like God has placed His hand on your shoulder saying “Are you hearing this? This is for you too”, it’s truly an incredible feeling.

The other way could be someone talking and, sometimes without them even realizing it, they are revealing to you a word from God. Something you’ve had on your heart that He’s addressing. Sometimes they do know and will often tell you “I feel I need to tell you this..” and bam! just like that you’re in tears thanking God for His faithfulness.

 

Hearing from God is truly one of the BEST feelings in the world. I say one of because there are so many other things He can do to completely blow our minds.
But hearing from Him has been something I have felt so blessed to experience but it has also been something I have been so confused about in the past.

If it is one thing I’ve learned in these recent years is that if something comes to your mind or comes out of your mouth or pops up in your life and completely surprises you and really reveals something to you. Don’t take it lightly. Don’t pass it off as your own or as you being too… something.

God is always listening and if you take the time to open your mind and heart to whatever He has for you, you’ll hear Him too.

These are just a few ways God has spoken to me. I would LOVE to hear how He has revealed Himself to you in your life. Please share in the comments below. I’m excited to hear your answers.